Some thoughts on Laundry

*I knew I was a mother when I went from having one load of light and one load of dark, to having one load of light, one load of dark, and three loads of pink...a day.

*When you have a cute little dress that's black velvet on top and white polyester on the bottom, how ever are you supossed to "wash with like colors"?

The thing we'd never thought we'd say of the day 2

"You can't help me with the laundry when you're half naked." Thanks, sis!

"Hey, that's MY fairy!" Thanks to Robyn (and her husband too)

This has not been approved by the FDA...

Hey, I have a great idea for a new diet. You can eat whatever you want, anytime you want. You don't have to excercise, you don't have to change anything that you are doing right now. All you have to do is buy my patent pending flesh eating patch. Using the ancient secrets of the leech, you will loose 10 pounds a week! (Only for those seeking to loose ten pounds or more...)

I'm cured. Another post about commercials...

Okay, so I have another commercial for you...
Narrator: Do you have hang nails?
Show woman at party wearing gardening gloves, hiding her hands in embarrassment, turning away all the male models asking her to dance.
Narrator: Ask your doctor if Nailatronine is right for you.
Show many before and after shots of horribly hang-nailed fingers, then beautiful manicured ones (as close to the same skin tone as possible).
Narrator: Nailatronine works in a scientific way by lowing the amount of graphite in your blood and raising the amount of beautiful. People in Europe have been using this same system for years.
Show woman at party - glove free. Pulling the male models all over the dance floor, close up of beautiful hand with wedding ring as she now marries one of the models.
Narrator: (as we view the wedding) Side effects include nausea, vomiting, dry mouth, fatigue, stroke and heart attack, which in rare cases were fatal.

What we never thought we'd say part2

1. Honey, are you sitting on the beaver?
2. I don't like dinosaur tails in my head.
3. Because Mommies can't have poopy diapers.
More to come...

Huey the Human

It seems to me, besides a select few, that all animal characters in children's stories and TV shows were all named on the same criteria. Sammy the Snake, Octo the Octopus, Iggy the Igauna. I'm sure glad that the same rules don't apply to people. Then we'd all be named Huey the Human, or Polly the Person.

I was never such a liar before I became a mother

Mom translations:

"It's broken." = "I took the batteries out because I couldn't stand 'the itsy bitsy spider' one more time."

"It must be lost." = "You outgrew that princess dress two years ago."

"I don't know where it is." = "I don't know where it is. It could be in any number of land fills by now."